Everyday Catholic

An Early Morning Posting

2010-03-12T05:22:00.002-06:00

It is 5:30 right now, though I have been awake for about an hour. Couldn't sleep. Trying to figure out God's plan for me (pah-leese) keeps me up at night.

Will I ever learn? Apparently not.

In some ways, I must be a tough nut to crack. I keep asking what He wants for me, instead of living the life He wants for me. What a pain I must be. Have you ever heard the saying, "Let go, let God"? So simple, a total act of faith.

And I have a problem just ... doing it. Not always, but I do waver. In a word, I want what I want. OK, that is more than 1 word, but you get the idea.

I have to watch money, like a squirrel with acorns. I don't have any issues at all with finances, but the fact I have / had to dip into my liquid savings for 38 cents pisses me off like you can't believe.

So, listen to this logic: I was let go from a job I hated to start with....

I was given a severance....

I started a new job the day my severance ran out....

My income, for now, dropped to one sixth of what it was....

Building this thing up will take time....

I have the patience of a gnat.

That pretty much says it all.

So, what keeps me up at night?

~ well, on my behalf, I was smarter than the confused people I worked with and had been socking money away for a year. This was in anticipation they could do something stupidly shortsighted.

They never failed me yet ...

One can almost always count on corporate stupidity. It is like a disease that affects executives. I have seen it so many times. Probably why I am not there anymore: my contempt was always just below the surface for a few of them. Would I do anything for them, if need be, in love? Yes. Do I like them? Heck no. I acted like a Christian 99% of the time. Maybe it was 20 years of that 1% that did me in.

All I know is I have to think about things I rarely had to think of before. My initial thought is they put me in this position. I was very close with these people and this is how they paid me back. It seems like a contradiction, contempt vs loyalty. Loyalty always prevailed, and this is where it got me, typing at 5:30.

But, if I reflect for just 1 second, I realize they enacted God's plan for me. They were pawns. I say this laughingly, but if I had the chance to tell them this, I am not sure how they'd handle it. It would be spiritually great for them to know this. Maybe they do. I guess this is where our obligation comes in: the need to pray for them to be made aware of exactly how they fit into the plan. Not just as it relates to me, but to Him. Once we submit to that, the rest is window dressing.

I just got an answer I was seeking: my obligation, personally (accept and love) and outwardly (how this initiates forgiveness, a gift of the Holy Spirit). Thank you, Lord. I am sitting here typing and you changed me. This entry was a plea, though I did not know it when I started. As usual, You touched me when I wasn't looking. And I am better for it.

Your plan for me is a perfect one. How I get to where you want me is a journey. You are always there for me. I turn it all over to You. I have kinda almost been there already, but doubt creeps in. A teeny bit can seem like an avalanche. Time I wised up.

The acceptance of His will is everything. Do you see a pattern here??? I have the same entry, it seems, every time, but with a different scenario. It always comes down to this: an increase in faith is needed. When I ask, the Holy Spirit drops on my like a vail. I keep asking and the Holy Spirit keeps descending. Maybe that is the answer, too. Human. Waver. Ask. Get. A cycle, that each time gets easier. Spiritual maturity? Me? Maybe. Maybe I am figuring it all out, with His help. Without it, I am nothing.

God bless,
KJPrice

Quiet Despair is a Terrible Thing, But We Are Never Alone

2010-01-17T17:40:00.005-06:00

Please start by reading this poem, and then I will tell you more about it.

"My Concrete Pillow and Bed of Stone"

Here I lay on a mattress of man made stone.

Cold, bare and hungry, nowhere to belong.

Oh, God, please end this wretched pain.

Give me the shelter of angels wings from this tormenting rain.

Master, what have I done to deserve this kind of despair?

Do you really love me; are You even there?

Here I lay, on this mattress of man made stone, with a concrete pillow for my head.

Praying for forgiveness, wishing every moment I were dead.

It seems that I no longer have the strength or will to fight.

I put down my guard to submit, to simply give up.

But my soul refuses to stay down; to say enough is enough.

I will grit my teeth. I will clench my fist. I will stand my own ground.

I will be there, in the front line on the battlefield when the trumpet sounds.

For I am no longer weak.

I am no longer blind.

Nor a slave to any substance.

I will achieve by all means

to come out of this living nightmare, to pursue my dreams.

Along with 3 others (and I have been conflicted with other duties to say I am a regular mentor right now), we have a creative writing class at the homeless shelter. This work is from one of the contributors, Charles Alex Duff. Alex has a story much bigger than this to tell. This is only one aspect. It is easy to read this and see the intellect, which is real, the smarts, also real and wonder how did this happen to him?

I leave these answers to the one who can answer them. We each have a cross to bear (a gift, truly) and this, for now, is his. Our work is to help where we can, probably in small ways, if that. The effort is appreciated by God, and this matters a lot.

Alex and the group came together by God's will. I would never have known Alex or the others, probably. But the gift is present and we need to work it. The next time we look at anyone and sense something is not quite right, we should say a prayer that whatever it is eventually has meaning, and that suffering, as in this case, is not without purpose.

God Bless You,

KJPrice

Writer's Block

2009-12-10T19:49:00.002-06:00

Gee, has it been over two and a half months since I had something even remotely important to say? I guess so. Well, Here's ................ Johnny !!!!

It is amazing how focusing on one's self -- while trying to give one's all to those around you -- can obsess you. That's me. I can't get my mind off where I am. So, as expected, I participate in those exercises that keep me close to what matters: God, and family (and friends). I am in a spot where I would rather do my ministry for the less fortunate than anything else ... like work. I suppose this is why it is called work and not a holiday. I have a new job that will take pioneering (not like covered wagon pioneering -- no way, I stay in nice hotels -- but focused effort, with gratification way delayed). To marketing guys, delayed grat just ain't where it is at.

BUT, I am here, because He wants me here. Somewhere, lurking in the darkness (where it is actually well lighted, but not for me) is an answer to this moment of where I am in time. God, whom I love more than anything, has a clear plan for me. My job, as a human, is not to see it yet. I see pieces, I see what I have been through the last 5 months, the ups and downs, and I see what I am expected to see. I can tell you what I have learned.

He wants dialogue.

He wants me to lean on Him. You are reading the words of a person who is genetically resistant to leaning on anyone. I have to give up that part of myself. I have been doing it, but it is slow and painstaking. The rewards are gigantic, but I am obsessed with today. And, this, too, shall pass.

I was called today by my advocacy group to see if I could be the desk guy on Thursdays at the shelter. Let me give you an idea of how good I am at that: I spent 30 minutes there the other day .. and gave everyone the wrong answer to every question. What if they came back expecting something and I scheduled them wrong? One more twit in the giant bureaucracy standing in their path. I will do it anyway, but I want everyone to know what they are getting. My heart is in the right place, though. And I get tremendous gratification helping anyone, if even in a small way.

I mentor creative writing, but I do have a job that needs attention. I can't be any other way. But, I have to budget my time. Where will I do the most good? I just need to leave this up to the Lord and sit back and wait. I can do this. I will do nothing, without His OK. Nothing. I am where I am, who I am, how I am, with His blessing. I have flaws and I regret them. I owe Him so much more than this. I have to balance my good efforts against my weaker ones. On the ledger sheet in heaven, I hope I am recognized, on balance, of having gone to the good and not to the other. This is the blessing I wish for.

God bless,
KJPrice

The Forest and the Trees

2009-10-01T15:28:00.004-05:00

I'll bet God is sick of me asking what He has in store for me. I say this tongue in cheek, but I also ... keep asking. My life, on its surface, has become a complete mystery to me. I am trying to live it, pray as I can and just let it go on with God's grace. Sounds so simple.

It isn't, for me, at least.

In my last entry, I mentioned letting go and not letting ridiculous, transitory emotions get the best of me. So much for that arrogance. They got to me but good. I can't explain it. I have asked God to explain His plan to me and why this crucible?. He has, in small segments. I accept His plan, the revelation of all this. It may have already happened, but I have not seen it yet. I may not ever or for a very long time. It will, I know, become clear to me. I am not a patient person and my faith -- my turning over myself -- doesn't always happen easily. I regret being so unwilling. I have always had thoughts or emotions that cut both ways. I may not even understand myself or why this is. It is, and I accept it. Maybe the Greeks wrote something about this idiosyncracy? Since I am no different than anyone else, which is a humbling thought, maybe I need to look at this, being the same as everyone else.

Part of the plan was me being flat on my back for 8 weeks (approx) with a major eye problem. So, look at this: no job, laying down, time to think too much, healing very slowly (still am). Talk about a chain of events unsuited to my personality. "He maketh me to lie down in green pastures beside still waters". Now I know what that really means; He makes me. No way I would have done this on my own. So, this event, like everything else in my life, has a purpose.

Faith, which comes by Grace, is a truly beautiful thing. Maybe this is a large part of the experience? The Love that comes from Grace? The utter belief? Faith in the plan. Wavering is OK. Tidal wavering is not OK. There are trees in that forest and I can see some of them.

I have my family who need me desperately and I, most assuredly, them. I have a new addition named Sammy. I have friends that love me. I have friends I love and care about and I draw a lot of good feeling from this. Being there in any capacity for them is a very rewarding thing. I have a great spiritual advisor, Bro. Tom Juneman. I have Jesus. He loves me, too. Now, I have to love Him back by following His lead. The rest will fall into place. Keep to the example; the blessing will abundantly follow.

God bless,
KJPrice

Long Night's Journey Into Day

2009-07-28T08:20:00.002-05:00

OK, here it is, right between the eyes for me (as it should be): if the Blessed Mother can stand at the foot of the cross and see her son tortured and murdered, and never question God's will or His methods, who am I to be thinking He forgot about me and that His will does not define my life?

He didn't; it all came from me.

I wavered. I became a mealy mouthed twit. I did not spread the word around, because I wanted to make sure mentally I did not doubt for a second and wished to remain an example to others. This being the least I should take out of this whole experience of job loss.

Mentally, I didn't waver. This was a routine test that I am too smart to acquiesce to. I didn't share my momentary doubts with anyone. I tried to make a pact with myself that my emotions, no matter where they led me, unless they reflected positively on God or myself, I would ignore them. But, Satan is a subtle little monster who feeds on despair. And I will never give him that satisfaction, as he lay in wait for folks who have hit a wall and start to doubt.

The crumb.

(PS if we ever meet, he is going to give me a lot of payback, because I have dissed him so many times, he'd love to get his hot little hands on me. If we do meet, I hope I get to smack him in the mouth first).

If the Blessed Mother could accept God's will totally, how could I not do the same because I lost a job ... that I hated to start with?? When one writes it down, it is almost impossible to accept my mental state as a true believer. I came to my senses, as best I could. I even feel better.

God has counted the hairs on my head and everyone else's, who has ever lived or is living or will ever live ... and I think He may have forgotten about me for a second? WHAT??? Like He left me in the abyss? If our Blessed Mother could accept such horror, I can't believe what I worry about.

It is over. No matter what, I will pay no heed to doubt. In the short time I have been starting a new direction, I have come up against bureaucracy and reverse discrimination, little tests of my mettle. Jesus shares His cross with those he loves. It can be a crucible (though, in this case, that is a little strong i.e torture vs job loss). Calvary (again a little strong) is a gift to us. The sharing of it brings us close to Him.

I was in the darkness, though briefly. Now, I am in the light, despite the tests to put me back in the dark. I have to listen to people pontificate about why I am not right for a particular job (though I could run circles around them, blindfolded and hogtied). And my family is safe and warm in God's love. I have yet to be tested. I believe I have, but I clearly have not. Perspective is everything. All is well in the hands of God and good with the people He loves. This drama is nothing, comparatively speaking. I understand that now, because I asked Him to make me understand.

And, He did. See how ridiculous doubt is? I'm embarrassed by my behavior. Learn from me. He has me exactly where He wants me, and there is everything right with that. I want it no other way, now or ever.

God Bless,
KJPrice

Keeping the Faith is an Ongoing Effort

2009-07-11T17:26:00.003-05:00

I had a theology class today for about 5 hours. a) I didn't know it would be that long, because I was carefully planning what I was going to eat for lunch when I got there at 9am (this is an continuing effort for me to beat "yesterday's lunch") and b) they said let's skip lunch and work right through. I didn't want to be the only one screaming to be let out, commonly referred to as a "wet blanket". I had thoughts of Mediterranean food dancing in my head. Well, that's what Jesus ate, right??? I am suffering only partial guilt.

The class was great. It was called New Testament Theology and if one teaches CCD, as I do, it was suggested to take it. Sure. How did I know you actually receive a credit in the diocese for being a stellar participant and get a little certificate?? Pay dirt!!! Who knew? I just wanted to be there. I can always learn something. I have 3 other courses to take and I will eat well beforehand now, while keeping the hummus fantasies in check. .

I won't get into the subject matter but the sequence of the gospels is very interesting as well as the communities they were addressing. If you want details, ask me. I was fascinated. I eat this stuff up.

While I was sitting there, I was thinking through the fact I was recently offered early retirement. Read: retire or we will retire you. The market for me dried up. I was actually praying for this day. Then, I got it. I feel pretty dern great except for one little detail: the impatience I have for waiting to find out what meaningful thing I will do next. I have been planning for months, but the timing is not mine. What I was doing, except for the interpersonal side of things, lacked a whole lot of meaning for me; like everyone else's job, I imagine. The work enabled me, however, to do lots of things: nice house, vacations, FOOD, fun, FOOD, volunteer work, FOOD, biking (had a wreck yesterday trying to avoid a turtle. I am not making that up. The poor thing literally peed himself and ran, seriously, ran, for his life. Do you remember the turtle in Bye Bye Birdy that ran the 100 in like 4 seconds? Think that. I have never seen a turtle run like that ... as I was picking gravel out of my backside. My riding partner literally went flying into the woods head first. His bike needs a couple of repairs as does his cerebellum).

But what I was thinking intermittently was what is in store for me. I have no worries about money for a long time; at least 9 months, if not a lot more. Maybe never. So here's the bottom line: if God didn't want me here, I wouldn't be here. I have to stay focused on this. I also have to stay focused on the fact if I am bothered, go to Him and realize, even in a small way, the cross is to be borne. The rebirth awaits, thereafter. How great is that??

I may be writing a sequel to my first book and put them in the same volume in paperback. I may have to travel to Philly in August and I am driving, just like the first Odyssey. New perspectives to be had. Maybe the Idiot actually grew a brain. Part of which I will give to my riding partner, since his is still on the pavement by that poor turtle, who, no doubt, suffered some sort of reptilian heart attack.

Pray for me to be strong in faith. I am asking because I want to. And need to. I can not be deterred. I owe that much, at least.

God bless,
KJPrice

Vigilance of God's Angels

2009-06-10T19:03:00.004-05:00

I am sure that anyone who reads my blog and I mention riding my bike, one thought must spring to the reader's mind: what did this idiot do to himself this time?? Fair enough. But in my own defense serious biking can create problems like accidents. No, I didn't have one this time. No pigeons to the head either. That's a plus. Or dopey squirrels in my spokes as they run back and forth trying to make up their minds.

When you ride as much as I do, you get to evaluate the behavior of runners, bikers, drivers, vespa-ers, women with hardly any clothes, men with hardly any clothes (though I truly wish some of them would add rather than subtract ... yikes !!!), triathletes, bird feeders, bird feeding triathletes, wannabes, neverweres, couldn'tbes, glad they aints, etc. Quite a cross section.

As I am doing my miles and feeling older by the minute, sometimes my mind wonders. I think about work, family, friends; you know the drill. My real job is not real terrific right now. I mean compared to losing a limb, I guess it is paradise on earth. I was told by someone that before our feet hit the floor in the morning, we should thank God for another day. Another day to love, to forgive, to imitate Him. At night, to do a comparison of how you did. It is a nice habit to get into, and I am trying to stay with it.

Sometimes, I do a rosary as I ride. My brain is so addled, I have to count each decade with each finger as I work the gears. I am sure sometimes I do 9 or 11 or forget a "Glory Be" or say it wrong. I am told the intention is what counts. Boy, I hope so.

Today, before I did the last decade, I said to the Blessed Mother: teach me to trust like you did. Please. Teach me to trust. I give my life to Jesus thru you, Blessed Mother. Please intercede for me.

I was one Hail Mary into my last decade, was riding on the left side of the road past a parked car. It was at that moment, the driver decided to make .... a left. I missed the car by about a foot and went riding up someone's lawn (at 22mph), then over slippery gravel that would have torn me up. No doubt had that person hit me (they didn't even stop, btw), no doubt I would have been splattered all over the windshield and crippled by the bumper. Possibly dead. Very possibly.

Blessed Mother: teach me to trust. Need I say more? His angel saved me. I asked and He sent His angel because the Blessed Mother heard me. What do you think? It was about 15 seconds after I asked.

God bless,
KJPrice

Jeanette Dees Urrutia 1951 ~ 2009

2009-05-14T16:44:00.002-05:00

It is difficult to even know where to start. So, I just will.

Loyalty is a quality I admire greatly, possibly more than any other (generally, some element of love comes with it). I know what it means to me, personally. I try to live this way and maybe I have; I hope I have. If I were accused of disloyalty, I would question my character. Sometimes there are reasons one must move on, so to speak, but it needs to be a very major moral or ethical one. The small stuff doesn't count.

My friend, and our daughter's godmother, Jeanette, was as loyal as they come. Listen, this woman had other powerful qualities: charisma, charm (I used to call her Scarlett O'Hara), humor, monumental uptightness about some things (which, therefore, made her a target I just could not walk by, and she loved it), smarts, thoughtfullness, and a loving nature. The mold got broken when she died earlier this week of a cerebral accident. And I am getting teary as I type this. I LOVED this woman. She was loyal to me and mine and through thick and thin, we were loyal to her. Sometimes this loyalty was stretched to the breaking point, but it never actually broke. But even in the potential breaking, it was for a greater good: her future.

Jeanette didn't do anything specifically to go out of her way to make me (us) love her devotedly. It just happened. I can't explain it. It had a gravitational pull I couldn't get free of if I tried. It was that powerful. It was a tremendous blessing to me. And, like some other blessings, when given abundantly, it comes with tests. In a way, to whom much is given, much is expected. This was meant another way when Jesus said it, but it fits here, too. It didn't have just one application, that being charity. Though this element exists within this scenario as well. There were times when I was tested and sometimes I didn't appear to come through. In retrospect, I was doing good. because that gravitational pull I mentioned consumed everything. Yes, it was that powerful. And, yes, on the surface was indifference; in my character was total devotion to her. I just didn't know it at the time. It caused me anguish, then. Now it gives me solace. Pain to enlightenment and healing. That is a miracle. And I am grateful for it. And only with God's power is it possible to achieve.

When I cried at the foot of her hospital bed last week, for her and for me, the one essential feeling I couldn't shake was how devoted I was to her. I knew she was dying, if I could read the mind of God. My intuition was right, in this case. I prayed for God to take her. The thought of her suffering was a lot for me to bear. With difficulty, I asked God for His will to be done and not my own. I meant it, but in my heart, I wanted what I wanted for her. Like I should judge this and not the Lord. I'll think about this later, and hopefully chalk it up to the moment. When I knelt in church each morning, I recall asking Him to grant everyone else's petitions before mine. So maybe I did live up to the devotion He expects of His children. I wasn't thinking real clearly then. And who knows what I was thinking. I was partially delirious from my heart hurting. I made myself be nice to people, which is the proper example of Him under stress. I may have even done it.

My J-bird is gone now and there is a hole where she used to be. I have enough experience with death to know it will be filled up again by her. I know this. I'll just miss her bad. I thought I ran out of tears when my dad died. Chalk that up to arrogance. I was in the Valley of Tears, no question. There was no holding them back. Even when I lied my way into the ICU -- family only -- when I told them I was her ex husband and later we never married, just lived together. I know she was laughing her rear end off watching me from her perch in heaven. Listen to that babbling idiot!!!!

J, if it took lies to see you, then so be it. The Great Wall of China couldn't have kept me away or a canceled flight or landing at the wrong airport and taking a shuttle with business people who were "smarter" than the driver. Nothing. I owed you that. And if roles were reversed and you had the wherewithal to come and comfort me and mine and show your loyalty yet again to me, nothing short of Armageddon could have kept you away. This is love and loyalty for 31.5 years I knew I could count on. For the first half year she hated me and thought I wore mascara. I forgive you, J face. And I love you more than you will ever know. Remember this: O31 is Nastursium. Goodbye, my angel, until later. There will never be anyone like you again. I have counted my blessing and I am glad I did.

The Day That Changed The World

2009-04-11T20:33:00.002-05:00

I always get this feeling on Good Friday. It is painful, when I see our blessed Lord getting throttled. Then I realize that His suffering has purpose. And was predestined by God, the Father, with Christ's concurrence.

Picture this: God Himself humiliated His person by becoming a human being. Additionally, He allowed Himself to beaten to pulp, in order to redeem mankind with His love. He could have called out conflagration to destroy those in the employ of satan; He didn't. Recall this: He suffered so that we may live eternally. Imagine this: someone taking so much punishment .. because He loved you. If that doesn't rock you, nothing will.

This is Easter, the celebration of our Lord's resurrection. After He decesended in hell, in order to give hope to those dwelling there, we can expect the same.

He loves us. Never forget this: our suffering is not without purpose. We take part of His cross. We show our love for Him. What more can we ask? Do more, reflect Him and keep His ministry.

God as a person, imagine this.

God Bless you.
KJPrice

Where Am I , and What Am I Doing Here?

2009-03-31T13:18:00.003-05:00

We all know the current economic situation is pretty bad. I heard a revered priest say the other day that we should offer our day to God, and reflect Him in what we do. I just started doing this, very recently. I have a tendency to forget to do it and when I remember, I do it.

Now, my business in my straight job is about 25% of what it was, revenue wise. Being a sales and marketing person in this position, I am genetically predisposed to be an optimist; a reasonable one, not one with one's head totally in the sand. Except for my close associate, the cynicism, anger, frustration, and the lack of regard for those with whom you work is as high as I have ever seen it. I am trying to imagine myself -- and I need this job, make no mistake about it; my writing buys lunch every two weeks -- coming into this office and ripping my associate and making her cry. I am witnessing this very scenario right now in front of me with the VIPs who are visiting me. One of them is crying.

Now, let's consider this for a minute: people's feelings are important. I think barring some moral transgression of a large degree or something like this, we all need to be aware that words and actions can be hurtful. Do I always do this? No. Must I always do this? No. Should I show profound love at all times? Yes. Love changes more than it keeps one the same. Yes, I know this is business and feelings should be put aside, but I don't care who one is it can be painful. Now imagine, with this starting point, going and being enthusiastic with your customer. The fact that I give this day to God should help me be more aware of what I say and do; with my family as well.

This may seem random, but why do we suffer? It does relate to what I have written. Surely, the offer of suffering to Christ shows our love for Him. Christ did not keep the Paschal Mystery to himself: suffering, dying, ressurrection. He loves us and wants us to share in this mystery with Him. Does the daily suffering we endure -- and I don't equate mundane, personally insulting business practices -- with physical pain, but our suffering, to whatever degree, is not without purpose. This is critical to understand. Perspective may not come immediately following the issue and it seldom does. But it will become clear to us as time goes on. It usually happens this way, if we think about it: how many times have we said, of course, now I understand? What I wished for and maybe didn't get always seemed to work out for us. I can't think of a time when it didn't.

Sometimes at work, I feel desolate inside; too many years at the wheel, the ups and downs, today, everybody depressed and angry. I wouldn't be here, if God Himself did not want me here. Right? Maybe my emptiness that comes at inopportune times, should and can be filled with Him. Maybe this is what He wants. And, seriously, who am I to question a God who loves me totally? He wouldn't let anything happen to me that was not ultimately joyful.

Gee, the slightest pain and I am complaining and doubting the one person whom I have never had reason to doubt: God. He takes care of the birds in the air. How much more does He love me? Not even Solomon in all his splender was arrayed like one of these. Was God talking about us, His children? Flowers are beautiful and require love to maintain. Does this sound familiar? The flower in the crack of a sidewalk? The crack our tribulations; the flower, our virtue despite them. Including illness.

God bless,
KJPrice

A Week of Blessings

2009-02-27T17:36:00.003-06:00

I am taking about only this week; every week is a blessing to me, good or bad (in my perception). I sat in on a Bible Study at the local homeless shelter. I am a volunteer teacher, but they haven't needed me yet. I listened carefully to the interpretations of the Scripture and added my thoughts to the proceedings, where appropriate. Fair enough.

Before we got started, I was holding my St. Joseph's bible and a fella said to me he had been looking all over for one. I almost gave him mine. It was a personal gift given to me, signed by my dear friend, and for whatever reason (God was thinking for me), I said thanks but kept it. I got his name afterwards and he told me about his "street" ministry. I almost said I was sure Jesus did not want him living this way, but I kept it to myself. Then another fella came over to me and said he liked my bible. He talked and the conversation came around to the fact it was a Catholic bible. Then he said, maybe being a Catholic was the answer. Saying that is like asking me to drag you to church and convert you. I could barely control myself, but I did.

I also ordered 2 bibles to give these guys, who, I am quite sure, think I said something about finding one for them and won't follow through with it. How little do they know. I can't wait to present that gift, which, really, is to me.

As I listened to them talk on the bible, I couldn't help but notice that, in my mind, they lacked a tangible weapon. They had the Holy Spirit, they have Jesus and God, the Father. But what about Anointing and what about Communion? I know very few people who take Communion regularly and are living on the street. Having the body, blood, soul and divinity of Jesus inside you, in addition to these other Graces, couldn't hurt, right? Now, for the record, I must say the only valid transubstantiation comes from the Catholic consecrated Eucharist. But I also think, in this case, it doesn't matter. I am going to suggest to them, if I get the chance, that they go to their respective Churches and ask for this. The power of the Holy Spirit will work their minds and they will get benefit from Communion. I pray I am right. I have the office to anoint, to heal (not like Jesus, but to speak in His name). They need this, too, since they are so near death spiritually. It would take guts on my part to offer it (and it must be humbly) and I hope I can do it, if I get the chance.

On Ash Wednesday, I sat in church for the service. I said my prayers. After it was over, the Vincentian Brother came over to me and asked me if I would like to anoint the congregants with ashes. Me??? He said yes. I said OK, and I had an hour beforehand to get a case of nerves like I have not had in a great while. I actually did it and didn't pass out. Like 20 people. They all smiled at me, as I did it. I told the Brother it was the biggest honor I have EVER gotten. He also asked me to do collection, which I never volunteer to do, and I was missing people or hitting them in the head with the basket. I was a wreck. I told Jesus how much I loved Him, and then I got this request to do the ashes. I'd say it was a blessing, wouldn't you?

Through the intercession of my beloved saints and the petitions of others, my friend's melanoma is disappearing. A blessing and a miracle, without question. I spoke to my cousin; stage 2 lung cancer. Not a religious person at all. Now, she sleeps with a statue of our blessed Lord and prays and tells Him of her gratitude for what she has. Her tumors are shrinking. I asked her to do something for me: I asked her to make her commitment to Jesus, in gratitude, and become a catholic, formally. I think she will. Another blessing. The Lord heals.

Then I read a review of my book and it was outstanding. I get to sort clothes tom'w for charity and teach CCD on Sunday. What a week God has given me. And I love Him forever for it, no matter how it turned out.

God Bless,
KJPrice

Thank you , Lord, For Allowing Me To Live Long Enough To Come To My Senses

2009-02-04T11:04:00.002-06:00

I am 54 now. I have the whole shebang: gray hair (about 12 of them), sciatica, recent surgery to remove hardware (because I am an idiot; I actually laughed at myself as I lay on the ground, in the middle of a huge street, after falling from my bike 2 years ago), can feel the knees failing ... and if I take one more pill for what ails me, I'm gonna get on the bike and keep riding into the sunset (and falling, no doubt).

I am joking, of course, because age does breed infirmity and is unavoidable. Unless you are a friend of mine who has never been sick a day in his life. Never taken an antibiotic or has been sick enough to. Why his people left Ireland because they were lacking a couple of potatoes mystifies me. Seems to me he could have schouldered anything. Secretly, must be a wimp. I'll will definitely tell him. I am compelled to.

As I lay in bed the other morning, which is my second favorite thing to do, a thought came into my head (that's a first). It wasn't the first time.

"Lord, I want to thank You for not taking me sooner, before I had a chance to come to my senses and repent where needed."

Had He seen fit to take me when I was, say, 30, traveling the world like I owned the place, taking my want of things, getting to know women, leaving, very little charity other than money and putting God second, I'd be writing on paper that was on fire. Maybe not permanently, but enough to scorch the hard edges off me. Where I would have been I have to trust to God's mercy.

So, here I sit today, having learned what is really important: God, church, family, charity, devotion, loyalty, compassion. I always knew this in the back of my mind, but my focus was more me than Him. I had this ache I couldn't get rid of then. I came to my senses with age.

God gifted me. He has work for me to do. I will swallow what I have to and do it, for the least of ours. I sit here typing, in gratitude. I could have paid Him back a lot better sooner. Better late than never, especially since I was given the chance to have the chance.

If this isn't God's love, I do not know what is.

God Bless,
KJPrice

Learning One's Faith Is A Continual Process

2009-01-14T10:32:00.004-06:00

I know this is obvious to everyone. We evolve in our faith and understanding of our particular church's teaching, if we choose to. As I said in a previous blog, I couldn't figure out why I was so bound and determined to help the homeless in Dallas, or sort clothes for charity, or help feed prisoners / drug addicts at the Salvation Army. Then God woke me up: please give Me something back for all I have done for you. Couldn't have been easier to understand, once I cleared the fog from my head.

When I refer to faith, I am referring to it both ways: one's religion, and the the theological virtue of faith (accepting without seeing, if you will). I recently decided to read the Catechism of the Catholic Church, front to back. With a highlighter, so I could accent the important parts (that's to me; the whole thing is important). This book answers almost everything; any question you may have. For example, why the altar is in a certain prominent spot in the church (the altar of sacrifice and the Last Supper table), why iconography is important to the church (since we can not see God, the Father, in this mortal life i.e beholding His face, we have His son to look at, Jesus, so we can "see" God), the various Councils, that explained and prayed on the proper meaning of what was said in the Gospel and Sacred Tradition, how to deal with death, from the perspective of artificial means to keep one alive and what to accept or not, and what heaven looks like. 2,000 years of thought and prayer went into this manuscript, and I willingly accept every word. How could one not?

To some of you, the Catholic Church is not your cup of tea. I have known enough Protestants in my life -- brother Christians -- who were not enamored of it. OK. I heard a quote recently that went something like this: " there are about 100 people who really hate the Catholic Church and about a million people who hate what they .... THINK is the Catholic Church". Perfectly said. Someone asked me if I wanted everyone to be Catholic?, for goodness sake. Well, yeh !!! Not because I don't want them to believe what they do, but I want to give them, out of love, what I have: a place that consistently accepts our flaws and forgives them, and the chance to gather with the Apostle's successors (in a direct line) and share the Eucharist, the actual body of Christ. I know what it does for me and I want everyone to have it. It is life altering.

So, I continue to read the Catechism and continue to learn and have "wow' moments. Can't beat that. It increases my faith, it does not diminish it.

As the economy goes south (and the answer is increased retail sales, everywhere, which will reduce this cataclysm tremendously and get the economy going), I live is fear of losing my job. No one is immune. No one. Jesus said that if God takes care of things that do not reap and sow, and we are His creation, how much more will He take care of us? I want to remove all doubt from my mind, a doubt that kind of lingers back there and distracts me. I want to get rid of it. If this test challenges my faith, then so be it. Faith MUST prevail. How else to purify gold than to put it into the crucible and have it returned stronger and more purified?

I want an increase in my faith. I want to leave it all to God. This is my quest, and it should naturally be all of ours. Don't you agree?

God Bless,
KJPrice

How Many Blessings Can One Have In One Day?

2008-12-04T18:23:00.003-06:00

What an experience I had just yesterday. I must have been giving off some approachable vibe because I was amazed at the course of events in just a single 8 hour period. Here's what happened:

I went to get one of our cars serviced. I am friendly with the service manager, who started as my "go to" guy when I first started going there. I went over to chat ... and holy cow, did we ever. He is going through a crisis, a large part of which could end up very seriously. Now ordinarily, I would just listen and commiserate. Gladly, because I like this fellow a lot. Some of the subject matter discussed would warrant my vocalizing my opinion loudly, because his spiritual well being is a concern of mine. I would talk with his friend, who is involved too, if I could get to them.

Now protocol in our everyday world would dictate I say nothing and not get involved. I felt obligated to discuss the matters openly, offer advice, etc., because we are talking serious moral questions. I hope I did right. Now, he could end up not liking me, because I wound up giving my opinion. I don't believe he will turn against me as a busybody, but ethically, I had no choice. I hope he heard me. At least I was given the chance to do God's work, as I see it. What choice did I really have? A soul was at stake and how could I stand idly by? I can't.

Then I went to Mass because I had some prayers to say related to friends, family, etc. And now my friend's new problems. When Mass was over someone came over to me and said they were going to do the rosary for my friend of the last blog. How nice is it that they would even remember my prayers? (it is part of the ritual to announce one's intentions, if so inclined). They pulled me aside a couple of days later and I gave them more details. But how sweet was that? I was deeply moved. I did the prayer with them and thanked them profusely.

I was the last one to leave the tiny rectory. As I was, a young fellow asked me if I knew the Memorarae. I said I did, but couldn't do it from memory. Then he began to tell me his life story for the next 45 minutes ... and it was my pleasure to hear it. He has been blessed so many times and given so many signs I was transfixed by what he had to say. I told him about a service project I had this weekend and he may be joining me. I would like to hear more and maybe contribute something. Hopefully, I will receive this gift, in addition to the one I got listening to him. Why me, right? That is a blessing.

Then I took a homeless guy home, bought him lunch, while he regaled me with stories that were hysterical. I really liked the guy and wish him well. I also expect I will see him again outside the church. As I was dropping him off, someone yelled epithets at me because I was blocking the street. No good deed goes unpunished.

I cam home, imbued with spirit and tired from the experiences. Look at the blessings I was given, to work for Jesus. What a day it was. I hope it happens again, and I hope I have the strength to do it as expected of me.

God Bless.
K J Price

The Power of Prayer

2008-12-02T11:54:00.004-06:00

I believe in prayer and always have. To be sure, over the course of time, one develops more understanding of it's function and how to do it correctly, so to speak. Let me tell you how powerful a thing prayer can be. This happened recently:

I have a good friend, with whom I work out everyday (unless he chickens out on me, because of my competitiveness .... just kidding). We do a 10 mile circuit on our bikes, once per day. If we feel like it, maybe twice (I am getting too old to do this too much). In any case, my friend is, I am here to tell you, at one with the Lord. By rarely tooting his horn about his beliefs, in speaking with him, you can't help but see this quality clearly.

Basically, I love the guy.

And 2 more polar opposites could not be found. I am irascible, outspoken, passionate about even little things, and a general pain in the ..... While he, on the other hand, is calm, analytical, reticent and quietly very funny (OK, we share the funny gene). So, for 30 to 40 minutes per day, I try to convert my Protestant friend to Catholicism .... and he has yet to run my off the road and into the lake.

So, let's add saintly to his list of attributes.

I am joking. I do not really do this, however, I wouldn't mind in the slightest if he did. We do discuss religion as we cruise around the lake (he goes to seminary school, too, besides his real job). At the same exact spot, twice, I have learned 2 things that profoundly changed my perspectives. One, I was disturbed at how some folks in business sell their souls, it looks like, but I can't be sure, to further an agenda that is unreasonable. He said this, "Keith, people are hungry for God."

Whoa.

It may seem so obvious, but I was not thinking in these terms.

About 3 weeks ago, my bike buddy came over to tell my wife and I, his doctor gave him 9 months to a year to live. I knew he had some issues, but I did not expect to hear this because he hadn't mentioned it in these terms. It was not out of macho-ness, but he was doing protocols that had tremendous hope. I was pretty cool ... till he left. Then I cried like I did when my father died. I do not like to see people I love suffer in any way. Period. This is not about me. It is about him.

I was literally in despair. I said to myself several times that God's will be done. I accepted this completely. My feelings were not important. God has a plan and I am accepting of it. It is imperative that I think this way.

So, I went to church a couple of times, prayed like crazy to my patron saints (Sts. Paul, Peter, Thomas More, John the Baptist, the Blessed Mother and Peregrine, who is the cancer patient's patron). I said, Lord, thy will be done, now and always. I asked the saints, sort of in an embarrassed way, to intercede with the Lord on my friend's behalf. I held fast to the belief of acceptance of God's will.

As we rode around the lake again later, I told my buddy that I was praying really hard, thinking of little else, but I had a sort of issue in asking my patrons to intercede; kinda like I was being disloyal to God. My friend said -- at this same spot at the lake -- that Jesus Himself asked for intercession from God (Gethsemani).

Bang!!!!

I then went after my beloved saints, with fervor.

My friend came back from the National Cancer Institute, MD Andersen and St. Luke's ... and these doctors gave him more hope than he had before. Way more. I went from deep despair to elation. No matter what happens, God heard my ministrations and my saints' intercessions. Like He was sitting with me and responding (He was, actually).

How's this for prayer power? It changed my life, yet again. Of the 6 odd billions folks in the world, He heard my little voice. If possible, I love Him even more than I did before. I don't mean cause He heard me, but because He heard me.

Me.

God Bless,
KJPrice PS st. John ate locusts, as you know. Only the kosher ones, and I am not kidding you. Think about it: no way he, St. John, would eat any other kind.

Why Politics Is A Dirty Game

2008-11-14T13:09:00.003-06:00

I apologized to my blog readers 2 posts ago for getting political in my blog, when it should be about the Lord, our approach to Him and His expectations of us. The title of this blog is ambiguous, and this is intended. It is not about the machinations of politics; who cares?, but the fallout politics can create.

I have been seriously agitated since election day, but not for the reason you may expect: who got elected, and the sea change I expect in the moral fabric of our great country. This is a small part, since there is little we can do about it. The loser wasn't that terrific either. What a sad state of things when the choices are so ... inadequate.

My agitation should come as no surprise to anyone who reads my blog regularly (both of you ...). But, for once, it is righteous anger, and anger is the correct response to evil.

What on earth could he be talking about?

My daughter is a pro life, traditional Catholic young woman (so is our son, but he's a boy ...). Our daughter chose to follow the directives of the Church in deciding for whom to vote. The Church says, and I totally agree, there was no moral equivalent to the abortion issue in this campaign. Everything else pales in comparison. Also, the Church is quite clear that voting for an abortion candidate, when there is a life candidate available, is to commit mortal, soul imperiling, sin. I also agree with this. I also believe that no legitimate Faith can condone abortion ... or does.

So, here is the kicker: our daughter took a verbal beating for her stance that continued for too long a period. This is at a Catholic school, no less. Not the faculty, but the students (though some of the secular professors sound kind of "off' a little). This bothers me -- agitates me -- for a couple of reasons:

~ if you go to a Catholic university and browbeat someone with whom you disagree, I am compelled to ask, what the heck are you doing at a Catholic University? Rule Number 2: love thy neighbor. Rule number 3 (I made this one up): don't gloat. The sin of pride.

~ if you go to a religious school and don't buy into the program ... huh?

~ if you condemn a fellow Catholic for following the Church's teaching ... huh?

~ if you are a crumb to start with ... huh?

~ huh?

All these point to one area: the sin of pride. The actual sin of the garden, where you can become god also. One may say I will follow some of what the Church teaches since I know what is best. Huh? Look, I did it too till I grew a brain in my head. 2,000 years and geniuses evaluating the correct responses to moral issues ... and we know more than they do?

Huh? Thank God my cerebrum actually grew as perscribed ...

If you beat up someone, especially for something as transitory as politics, you can see how politics is a filthy business on every level. In the greater scheme of things, it means so little. Unable to see the forest for the trees; what this whole collective response really shows. Basically, we are twits. And sinful, prideful ones, at that.

But, once again, we are saved. We have recourse. We can repent, ask for forgiveness sincerely and move on. This is guaranteed. Gosh, pride is a terrible thing. Just this one example shows how limiting it can make someone.

Humility is the answer. Jesus came to serve, not be served. We need to love in His majestic way. And to serve. If we follow these 2 basic rules, think how close to heaven we can get.

God bless,
KJPrice

The Odyssey and The Idiot

2008-10-23T21:13:00.004-05:00

It may be time to talk a little about my book, as I look back at prior postings, in my little part of the cyber-blog universe. What a tiny, minuscule part I play in the greater existence. This is OK, as long as my time here, either writing the blog, my next book or my life, are keeping my eye on the prize: my Lord. If I can go to my end knowing I did this as best I could, I should go contentedly. What a tremendous gift that will be. I hope I get it. I sincerely hope we all do. I wish this for all of you, even before me.

As I look over what I have written before, I see a pattern: keeping my faith strong, my desire to reflect Christ and my wavering. Until I started writing the blog, I had no idea how powerful an entity (s) this was in my life. I had no real reason to look that closely. As I tried to find out more about my faith (as God willed for me): Scripture, Sacred Tradition and the Church's Magisterium (the rules), I have been really learning what is expected of me and how to judge my efforts. I have learned more about my religion, outside of the basics I already knew, than I could have imagined. Why did God have me go through this experience? I don't know the answer, but I am happy I did and continue to do so.

When I was let go from work some years ago, I had time on my hands, needless to say, and I took a road trip with my kids (The Odyssey). What happened on that trip, above and beyond the ports of call we visited (The real Odyssey), is the central theme of the book: what it is to be a parent, how to be a better one, looking at the gifts sitting in the backseat (my kids) and where God was in all this. The Idiot was because I can be a little slow at times.

Isn't it funny, while I was in limbo, meaning I wasn't going to church too much (I hate to say this, but virtually no one could stand the new priest and folks left in droves; and I regret it), I don't recall ever doubting for a minute that God would protect me and mine and I would be vindicated completely. Isn't that funny? I knew less, and believed, without doubt. There is something great about approaching the Lord as a child, in a sense. I knew God loved me, though why I couldn't put my hands on ...

You know, I am a genius ... he said sarcastically. I found God in a million places on my trip and I thanked Him many times during it (and before and after). Gee, how could I show my gratitude to Him, who gave me all things? I could love him totally and believe in Him completely (as I detailed in my book).

And, I could learn more about my faith, what is expected of me, and what to do about it. I could work in a homeless shelter, something I would have previously found appalling. I could visit a nursing home and kibitz with the patrons while they played Bingo. I could pick sweet potatoes, if I were so inclined, to fill a food pantry. I could become a stronger disciple.

Now I ask you: how truly stupid am I? I have asked, above, why I have gone through this religious awakening? And here's the answer, right here. The payback. Not only for others, but the blessing it has become for me.

I want to thank the folks who suggested I start a blog. Had I not done this, I wouldn't, in all likelihood, have seen the forest for the trees.

Keith, I love you. Now show you love Me.

Had He not asked me to learn more, I wouldn't have known how to repay Him. It may not have occured to me, though not out of malice.

I will, my Lord. Now and forever. Look at what you have given me, a sinful, petty soul you knew was worth reaching. I am blessed beyond belief. I knew this, but now more than ever.

God bless,
KJPrice

I Have Learned a Lesson: Don't Write From Anger and Frustration

2008-10-15T11:30:00.003-05:00

There it is, right in the title. I give it over to the Lord, ask intercession from the Blessed Mother, and I write blog entries like I never asked them to help me. Unreal. I feel ashamed.

From the first blog entry a couple of months ago, I described myself as someone who tries very hard to live up to the Christian expectation of me (through the Catholic Church, specifically, in my case) and how I fail to meet the standards set. In some cases, yes, I do live up to them.

As I said 100 times in my book, I am the luckiest person on earth; blessed beyond belief, really. I want everyone to have what I had: a clean, sober cultural environment in which to grow. I know how it shaped me. Look, it was not Ozzie and Harriet at home, in any sense. But at the core of who we were culturally, it seemed to transcend any immediate shortcomings. If I did not grow up with the Von Trapp family itself, how potentially great could it be for everyone else who had better than I, which is what I really wish for? It is like saying why do you preach, in a word, the virtues of your particular faith tradition? Because I know what it does for me and I want everyone to have it. It is out of love for you -- everyone out there -- not to sound better than anyone. I know this is not always perceived as I want it.

So, I am stating for the record, when I go on about the culture or my faith, it is because I know what it did for me, a person unworthy of these gifts. And I say that as a humble thing, not to beg pardon or have anyone say no, we really love you; don't be so hard on yourself. It is not an act, but something of real substance to me.

I am distressed by the last blog entry because it did not reflect the theme of this blog: Christian love and the healing, supportive hand of Christ. Now you know it really is about love, though it came out as vitriol. I am so sorry about this. I could have deleted it, and wanted to, but at my own expense, I wanted to share a lesson I have learned. Part of which is this:

~ give it over to God and mean it.

~ pray for the Blessed Mother's intercession and mean it. After all, Jesus Himself conferred this status upon Her.

~ pray for understanding ... and wait for the result. Patiently. It is all in good hands.

~ have Faith and mean it. You preach it enough.

I wavered, and I am sorry. I will try to be clearer in my presentations in the future and be guided by the guide of whom I asked favor. That blog entry does not reflect my intention, as you can see and I regret subjecting the reader to it (both of you ...). The only answer is Christ, in all things.

And I forgot to remember it. I ask in prayer: let me reflect You in all things.

The only Utopia available to us. Nothing happens without His will. If things turn out differently than what I want, it is because He wants it this way. Why do I forget this elemental aspect of my faith? I am shamed of myself yet again. Please pray for me to grow, and refect my love for Christ. Your prayers are most welcome, and I will do the same for you.

God Bless you,
KJPrice

The Bunker Mentality

2008-10-13T14:32:00.003-05:00

My friend and I are the co-presidents of the Ostrich Club. The only requirement for membership is to keep one's head firmly planted in the sand at the slightest hint of trouble. It can work beautifully. I am not referring to personal issues like at home, but business ones, for example, where you know nothing you can do will affect the outcome. This comes from years of experience.

Let's suggest we are sitting in the board room, say, and you have been working this job for over 30 years. Some young buck or buckette comes in and wants to set the world on fire with new ideas. So, you:

~ a) tell them they are utterly inexperienced and are spinning their wheels
~ b) they need to work smart, rather than the shotgun approach
~ c) you care about them, and don't want to see them waste time (like they would listen)

~d) firmly plant your head in the sand and tell them that it is the greatest idea you have ever heard in your life, and anything you can do to help would be your pleasure !!!!

So that when they become your boss one day, they will hopefully look back in gratitude for your support. Also, never noting that all they did was run around like a headless chicken and got nowhere, since this would take humility and we know that has no basis in business (ask Lehman's CEO).

Being an ostrich takes skill. And I have sand in my shirt as proof. 32 years and I finally grew a brain.

In a bigger sense, I see my country going to hell in a hand basket. The new generation and a goodly portion of the current one have no consideration of, or give credibility to, any of the qualities that brought us here. This is the mantra:

~ the military sucks, always does evil, like our gov't, and only losers who believe in patriotism go into it.

~ God is BS (ask Bill Maher. He may be right. If God created him, He may not exist ...)

~ have sex like it was buying candy and is as easily available (but not returnable for quality...)

~ abort the result, if you are dumb enough to get into this position (pardon the pun)

~ that Wall St is a bunch of greedy SOBs (partially true), who, by the way, through investment in the market and themselves, employ millions of people. Gosh, I hate them, keeping the economy afloat.

~ marriage is a piece of paper instead of a commitment. Just tear it up, if you don't like it.

~ If you make over $250.0 per year you are considered rich. Anyone who makes $250.0 a year knows that belief is total BS. If we are so rich, where is all my freaking money? I go to Destin for vacation and drive a Ford Focus. $250.0 is the new middle class. Needless to say, my savings went down the toilet recently.

~ back to the Wall St. pinheads: they work 15 hours a day or more. They just aren't considered working Americans. I guess you have to put nails in wood to be considered an authentic American.

~ the gov't will mandate to whom I give charity. These idiots can't run a DMV. Who are they to tell me where I can give charity? I give $1,000.00 a year to Parkland Hospital because I have to? Who patronizes the place?: Illegal immigrants. My kid just had surgery there and I promise it was not free for me. Maricons!!!

~ with liberals running all three branches of the G (soon), what is to stop them from taking my social security and doling it out to those, in their minds, more deserving? And what of this threat that it will run out of money. I never hear that welfare is going to run out of money, do you?

Where do I turn now? I will not watch TV, I will not listen to talk radio, I will not read the paper. The new trend of America, no judgement and a moral free for all, is the same as the immature, idiot new business person: no thought or experience required. And I am powerless to do anything.

And I can't tell them to go for it because my future will be severely impacted on a spiritual level. Business is one thing, but morality and ethics are a whole other ball game, and more important than anything else. I am running out of sand to put my head in.

Let an atheist concede that God exists, when we meet up, what is He going to ask? I am guessing did we truly love or did we do otherwise? Were the things we embraced, our gods, meaningful and transcendent? Are the values that made our country great have anything in common with His edicts? Yes: fairness, compassion, self reliance, reward for work, the chance to succeed (look at Obama...), God centered, charitable and no one gets left out except by choice. Just like France, right? No.

So I am going to crawl into a bunker and hunker down. I am truly afraid. It seems our current society has no concept of history and an inordinant love for socialism. What can I do? If I find a better place, I am going there. If it is an island in the Marianas, fine. Then I'll be one of the last taken prisoner in the next war. There is a war on now and I am fighting it. I just can't win it. It ain't that complicated, for everyone to live with self respect and the respect of others. So why keep monkeying with it? Utopia doesn't happen, so quit it.

Oh, there is one Utopia: Jesus. The word of God made flesh, and the only answer to everything. My bunker door is open only to Him and those that love Him more than anything else. Think about it: if we all lived by loving our neighbors as ourselves in the truest sense, we'd have the Utopia we seek.

And I wouldn't be writing this entry.

But even He knew it was a goal that could be gotten only in heaven. The real America reflects Him more than anywhere else on this planet, past or present. Why change it? Polar bears? And how could you possibly hate it so much to think this way?

God bless you.
KJPrice

Prayer Is The Only Response To Calamity

2008-10-02T10:11:00.006-05:00

So for the two of you that read "The Odyssey and the Idiot" ... you know I am neither Democrat or Republican. I am a traditionalist, meaning the qualities that brought us here are the ones to be embraced. Not the ones that have gotten such tremendous press the last 30 years (though they have been visible for 1,000s) such as abortion and gay rights, but love of country, faith in God's love for our endeavour, ruling for the masses while having recourse for the minority; not the other way around.

I'll tidy this up at the end, but bear with me as I explain what leads to my conclusion. Please note: just about everything I will mention gets inordinate attention, when it should be at the fringes, where it belongs.

The rights of those who wish to abort: 48 million babies have been terminated in the last 35 years. Of this, I would guess 1%, if that, was a result of incest or rape. It is a birth control device. Needless to say, I am firmly against this innate evil. My friend recently asked me, "what if your daughter was raped and impregnated?". I would hate that, of course. But I can't make a rule for the one percent, in order to allow the other 99%. There is no way pregnancy would occur without God's will. Period. And I accept this.

Democrats favor abortion.

Gay Marriage: Nope. It is a culture of death, just like abortion. Society would end tomorrow: no more kids. No more immortal souls created. It is evil, morally. We are all given our crosses to bear in this life. Some of us manage or try to, while others do not. This is their cross; their trial. How have they fared?

Democrats favor gay marriage. And special rights also. You can hide you are gay, you can not hide you are black. This is why it incenses me when they call gay rights a civil right. Just shut up and keep it private, please. And then don't do it anyway. God said not to. Enough for you??

Atheism: I love these people. Folks who have lived, say, 40 years, have come to the startling conclusion that religion is horse hockey. Agnostics fit in this group as well. Let me make sure I understand: geniuses like St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Thomas More, St. Jerome or any other master theologian ... have been completely taken in ... by fiction. Right. The average meatball may think God is bs; Christ made up. Let me see: genius vs. meatball? Who wins? I wish to defer to folks who have been considering issues of faith and morals for 2,000 years, as opposed to a sandfly who has been considering same for an hour and a half.

Democrats love people like this.

PS there is no way, NONE, that a person could sit down, create, through writing, a perfect person like Jesus unless He was real, existed, so one would have a model to compare against, and God Himself. This simple logic itself is lost on many. It ain't that complicated.

Joe Biden has hair plugs and capped teeth: OK, I made that one up, as far as a critical issue. Although, he does have to look in the mirror daily, which is pretty serious. And he should be Excommunicated. It can be lifted, but it is a great little wake up call to arrogance.

Liberals are almost always wrong on key issues that affect our lives. If they win the presidential election, which I think they will, they will, be their very natures, damage the pillars of what brought us here. They hate God (if you don't follow His edicts within the church you attend, you don't love Him), they rule for small minorities, at the expense of the majority. They encourage class warfare, like it is a new phenomenon. William Jennings Bryan, who ran 3 times for president, had this as a core philosophy. He was a democrat, by the way. However, he was a very good man who loved God. He wanted to create a more fair environment for the smaller folk, not create malice and enmity, like his brethren wish to do today. Do you want the government mandating to whom you give charity, sending tax relief to folks who have not paid tax in the first place? Get ready. The government can't even run a DMV it doesn't make me nauseous to go to. Now this? Barack called it "neighborly". I call it madness.

There will be more appointments to the Supreme Court, who will take the gift of our constitution and create decisions with no foundation in the same document.

They will recreate the rules and further render economic calamity. How? In order to fill a quota, give availability to folks who can't manage it. In the interest of fairness... Not merit, mind you, which makes the world better, but coddling, which takes away incentive and makes things worse, publicly and personally.

Gee, I think the dems are on to something. Let's create a utopia in some manner! Great idea. I think they are the first folks to ever think of this, cause they sure act like it. Who's Plato? I love it. We always think we are the first to think about critical issues. 300 billion dollars has been spent to alleviate poverty since FDR was president. You mean, someone else cared about the poor too? No, we just thought of it. This is called arrogance, the sin of the Garden. I can't help but note that all this spending has not made poverty disappear. All that money ... there has got to be a better way. Give it to a church or something. At least they know how to do this kind of thing.

When most of the electorate gets its info from the mass media who HATES American values as outdated, and votes to feel good (and leaving practicality by the wayside), I foresee calamity coming; God cast aside. We make our own rules! Adam and Eve were the first politically correct people. The serpent said don't listen to God because He doesn't want you to be like Him. Eat from that tree, and no one can tell you what you should or should not do. You judge right from wrong yourselves. Gosh, isn't this type of thinking a new phenomenon?, since we advocate it daily in the media: no judgment? We act like it. No way someone writing 5,000 years ago would know anything. Memo to the geniuses: our problems, our natures and our solutions have been under discussion for all these years. Nothing is new. Just keep trying to fix things with new, brilliant solutions. Nothing will change. Work to improve the condition, but don't for a minute think your solution will make it go away.

I lay in bed the other night, my stomach churning. I despair that simple truths are overlooked, in order to support a dubious agenda. It isn't fair out there and it isn't going to be. Crooked CEOs with golden parachutes will fare well, while the other's 401s go to hades. Our DISD chief, who has an 84mil shortfall in the budget, will keep his job (and lose his honor), while esteemed teachers will get whacked. He won't even resign as a matter of conscience. Put all these issues together and what have we got? A very sad person: me (and several others like me).

I worry about the future, where real values and solutions are laughed at.

I prayed for relief.

I also got it.

These are temporal problems. I prayed that those in power would see the light of the Lord and come to understand what I do, through His gifts to me. I have no other solution to offer. Besides, what better response to calamity is there than Christ and His love? It is there, will be there, and we need to see it. He will watch out for us who love Him. He will watch out for others too. Everyone. He has a plan. I / we just need to keep our eyes focused on it. It won't be easy, but it will be done. If there is a better way -- and there is not -- I have yet to see it. I can only pray that others will wake up to this simple reality as well.

All is well in His hands.

God Bless,
Keith

Writing Can Be Work or Be Patient, Little Boy

2008-09-22T13:26:00.006-05:00

This is the first time I have asked God to help me in this particular endeavor. I don't recall ever asking for help in this particular area of my life: Lord, please help me finish my next book. I really did ask for it. I was that desperate.

My first book, "The Odyssey and the Idiot", is a non fiction work that encapsulates a journey I took with our kids, while searching for God and myself. Needless the say, the book flowed out of me. I was recounting actual events, working them into a narrative, tidying them up, editing and finishing. I was very happy with the result and it seems, I believe 100%, that all the folks who have read it are also very pleased. I have had no naysayers. How lucky is that?

The book I really wanted to do next will have to wait. It will involve travel and will involve money; more than I can spare right now. If it was 30 cents, it is more than I can spare right now. Let's be honest, our 401s look awful, the economy is tanking (as a result of bi-partisan efforts) and if one does not save every dime one can, then we risk the ceiling caving in on us.

Memo to our government: thanks for looking out for me, and thanks, as usual, for nothing (their usual MO). OK, I will gladly say you are keeping Islamic crazies from blowing up my street. For that, you are to be commended. And that is about it. We need leadership and example.

Boy, are we in trouble asking for that.

I have a friend who wants to be president and he wants me for Sec'y of State. Our collective policy will be to build a great wall around America, bring everyone home who belongs here, throw every out who doesn't and keep the nukes ready if anyone so much as looks at us funny. I am joking of course, but the whole exercise is indicative of our collective frustrations. Who isn't? The sense of disgust is palpable and everyone in gov't is to blame (except my wife, who works for them).

But the book I am half way done, and for which I asked for His help, is fiction, a romance story set against the Middle East (a place I know too well). It has flowed out of me, too, but not as easily. I don't enjoy reading fiction, so you can imagine the departure writing it is for me. When I mentioned to friends that I wrote the first book, the uniform response was: you wrote a book, about what? I told them briefly, though there is way too much to be rendered briefly. The book works on a lot of levels.

When I mention the second one, which will be called, "Fatien" "A girl, A Love and the Middle East", they actually get excited. Fiction appeals to people. I can't believe it, personally. If this one blows away the sales of the first or the planned third, it will prove to me that some people should not be allowed to vote. ..... Just kidding!!!! But it would be ironical if I got known for this new book vs my first or planned third. If I get on Oprah with it -- and this presupposes I would be able bite my tongue from saying to her what I would like too -- I would shake my head once again, seeing my plans and reality completely at odds yet again. What does age 53 really mean?: one rarely gets surprised by anyone or anything. Serves me right: I want to talk about God and folks want to hear about romance.

But maybe you should agree with this statement: when God wants readers to get my non fiction book(s) and be moved by them (hopefully), they will. It is just my anxiety to give a testimonial that is so important to me. When it is meant to happen, it will.

And why can't I just shut up and accept the divine plan for me? He must look at me sometimes and shake His own head. But, I love Him and trust He understands me. What more is there? If He loves me -- the complainer -- imagine how much He must love all of you, most of whom accept His plan and rarely ask for anything much.

And I want only a best seller...

One day I will learn. Starting now. I feel like people that Moses brought out of bondage -- slavery, mind you -- and they had the gaul to complain about the accommodations. Human nature hasn't changed much. How sad.

God Bless.
KJPrice

From Bad, Comes Good.

2008-09-08T13:38:00.004-05:00

I got a call this morning that moved me: my dear friend asked me where my latest blog entry was?; the lady looks forward to them!

I couldn't believe it....

I haven't heard much about my blogging, so I thought, in most cases if not all cases, I effectively moved into the oblivion of blogdom. This is OK, sort of, because I want to have a small impact, but I guess I have to accept it if I don't.

It appears I don't. GREAT !!!! At least for one person. Like Jesus looking for that one lost sheep? I take this to mean, in my case, if one person takes time to listen, that is one person I did not share with before. Rome wasn't built in a day. I just want folks to think.

The primary reason I have not posted in about a month is due to illness. What great 5 to 6 weeks it has been. First, suspected cancer. Then biopsies of these areas (12). And not easy to get to, if you know what I mean. My friends kept asking me why I wasn't freaked out about the possibility of having cancer? I told them it was up to God, He had a plan, and that I not only have to accept the good He always does for me, but the possibly "not good" He may choose to do. The real issue is love for His choices for me. He has been 100% right, in all of them, my entire life. But I did ask my friends to stop asking me about freaking out, because if they kept asking me enough, I WAS GOING TO FREAK OUT !!!! I love ya, but stop reminding me. I gave it to God already. It is like ruminating over a sin, for which one has already been forgiven.

Then, just for kicks, I got a case of Shingles, which I diagnosed, after getting my medical degree off a box top. Turns out, I was right. I couldn't figure out why I was in such pain and for such a sustained period of time. Then the skin issues showed up (once again, me falling into the minority whose skin lesions show about 10 days late) and Dr. Keith "Medicine Man" made his extraordinary diagnosis. Now all I have to do is set out a shingle and start practicing.

I am truly sorry, I couldn't resist that one.

Then, I took my oldest to college and developed a viral infection of my sinuses. No, I am not making this up. Rather than let all these maladies get me down, I was still riding my requisite 9.5 miles daily on my bike when I noticed something. It kept getting longer and longer and longer to do the same thing. I would pick a point on the horizon and I swear it kept getting further and further and further away. I have had major surgeries, rode my bike and this didn't happen. Now, it was like I was climbing Everest with just my skivvies on.

After 6 weeks, I am just starting to feel like myself again. However, I am a "climber" when it comes to biking .... and I am dreading hills. No way !!! When that gets back to normal, looking forward to attacking hills, I will know I am back in the saddle again. It is happening, though slowly. I let some people pass me, and trust me, this is a new thing. And I hate it.

I am hoping that you, dear reader, may get some lesson out of this. I am not sure I have, except asking folks to stop asking me why I am not catatonic and should be. I say this in jest; the love for me is what counts.

As this was going on, someone told me I was one of the most grounded and good souled people they knew. I managed to put on a good face somehow, with the help of prayer. In "bad", comes "good". Think about it. I felt awful, privately, and someone still loved me. That's pretty darn nice. I also asked God to use my pain in any manner He saw fit. Maybe a soul got freed from bondage? Then it was all worth it. That would be a real gift. Can you imagine being able to do that??? I know it is possible, and I hope I did so.

God bless you.

K J Price

How Does One Help A Non Believer?

2008-08-19T10:00:00.005-05:00

I was recently confronted with a situation where the person was looking to "feel better". For years, and I mean several years, this person, who is close to me, has been harboring a resentment, an anger, almost an obsessive hatred. Let me say she is not a Christian of any sort. In fact, she is Jewish.

Generally, in my own life, when I have a situation that tries my patience, I attempt (sometimes successfully, sometimes not. May I add the issue is with me, not with the Lord in resolving these incidents) to offer this angst up to the Lord to use as He sees fit. Within my faith, this can be used a couple of ways:

~ self servingly, if you will: Lord, please take this burden from me because I can't take any more

~ unselfishly: Lord, I am offering up this angst in order to sanctify the soul of another (St. Paul said our suffering can be used in this manner)

~ devotedly: Lord, if I can share your cross, if even for a second, allow me to.

These are just a couple of examples. (and I just discovered my answer, as I write this and will go into it later).

Within the Jewish faith, there is no mechanism to "offer up" that I know of. There is one day of atonement, Yom Kippur, centered around prayer and fasting. One day is not quite enough for me to atone. I am not saying I sin to such a large degree that I could occupy a confessional for a week. Did I turn my back on someone in need? Instead of praying, was I thinking about something else? Was I irritated with someone, as opposed to reflecting Christ? We all do this all the time, don't we? If I had only one day per year, the list of even minor transgressions would occupy too much time. I also understand that the spiritual side of the atonement in important; more so than the "list" itself. Sin, major and minor, is inevitable and requires awareness. Otherwise we lose humility.

So, this person is suffering (getting headaches, stomach pain, interfering with her life in general). I am desperate to help. So, first I tried the thoughts listed above without mentioning Christ. Receptive, yes, but something was missing i.e the Covenant of Christ to start with. I wasn't happy with this approach, because I couldn't adequately finish the argument. Now what?

I said forgive the person, offer up the anguish to God and if it takes a year to forgive this person, then it takes a year. Pray on it and you will be answered in God's time. Forgiveness is liberating.

Good enough? Sort of.

I didn't feel right. I wasn't making the point I wanted to make: accept Christ now because He is the only way. How many times does He have to prove it, to anyone with any sense??

And now it dawns on me: I have to pray that God works His plan. In this case, I can't do much except pray that the illumination comes in whatever manner it does. I am just a mere mortal. Why didn't I think just to pray for enlightenment for this person that I love? So, I am doing it now.

There was this famous person, who became a saint. I don't recall who it was exactly (it may have been one of the disciples). I do know, the story goes, that he was in a bath house in Rome. There was an infamous heretic there also. When the future saint's acolytes came to him, they told him the heretic was there and being very loud and, well, heretical.

Now being a future saint, I would have expected him to take on the heretic and try to straighten him out. Seems natural. Instead he said:

"Let's get out of here, before the roof caves in !!!!!"

In other words, in some cases, let God do His work. He is so much better at than we are. We just need to know when to ask for His help and when to take on the project ourselves, in His name.

God bless you.

KJ Price

Yes, He is here, too

2008-08-11T10:58:00.004-05:00

I have visited places in my life, in some cases, ones of great carnage. Let's say Gettysburg, Pearl Harbor, Dachau, etc. How about Ground Zero? (somewhere I still can not bring myself to go to. This happened in my lifetime; the others are history. The wounds are too fresh for me still).

I know God is in these places, even while the "battle" rages. Where do we find Him there?

Well, to start, no one goes to their deaths alone. Life is the only game -- the only one -- were we are guaranteed a positive outcome. If one is a betting person, do we know any other "game" where the outcome is 100% assured? Heaven is assured, promised by Christ. He tells the truth only. Guaranteed. One can't say this about anything else.

Suffering and death bring us closer to Him. Our strength within this experience glorifies Him. Through suffering comes sanctification. If we can take one billionth of His torment (His Passion, Death and Resurrection), it brings us closer to Him. I believe this should be something we all try to do, if only metaphorically.

Recently, I experienced, vicariously, if you will, a business decision that affected the lives and livelihoods of some folks who are very close to me. Financially, their lives could be potentially turned upside down. I can't really explain how my love for them caused me such anguish to see them going thru this. The angst was unbelievable. I hurt for them in magnitude I simply can't adequately describe. I still do.

Not to equate the two, but allow me a use of symbolism. I never the saw the movie "The Passion of Christ". I know that Jesus's Passion, Death and Resurrection were given for me; its purpose divinely planned. But I can't stand the thought of the torture they put my Blessed Lord thru. I wish it was me instead.

When my associates were "crushed", so to speak, it tore my heart out. I was powerless to do anything about it. Here's the thing: people I love, including the Lord, were being punished. They were victims of greater forces (in the Lords' case, allow me the allegory; there is no greater force).

Now here is how I know God is at the sides of my friends. One of them called me and told me my Faith inspired him. You could have knocked me over with a feather. Emotionally, I was St. Peter taking two steps into the water, walking on it, doubting, then sinking. How on earth could I inspire anyone? I couldn't sit back and say everything will turn out OK. I thought this very thing, but inside, I was being torn apart. Now, I know these people and they are people of great Faith. I was told by them as much. To be put into this situation and believing clearly that God will take care of them is an inspiration to me. I am the one clearly benefiting; the blessing is to me.

When St. Peter walked on the water, then started to sink, what happened next? The Lord asked him why his faith wavered? And then the Lord reached down and brought St. Peter back to the surface.

He reached down, with his gentle hand, and gave St. Peter back his life.

That hand is always there. I just need to keep my focus on it, and look at what a blessing the simplicity of Faith is, this Luminous Mystery, as shown to me by these people I love, including our Blessed Lord.

God Bless You.

KJ Price

Trying To Live Up To My Faith (daily)

2008-08-04T16:44:00.000-05:00

I think we go through this, every day. What do I mean, and what is its value to others?

I go to Church, pray diligently (and try to do so meaningfully on a daily basis), think I have a pretty good grip on the Lord's expectations of me, believe I am reflecting Christ on earth ... and realizing I have so far to go....

Don't we all think this way, if even fleetingly? If we do, I think this is a good thing. Humility, at the foot of the Cross, brings us closer. Our desire to reflect Christ pleases Him. Even if we don't, our efforts to please Him are very important (Thomas Merton said this, so I can't take credit. But I was deeply moved by the words, paraphrasing, mind you, that the "efforts to please Him do, in fact, please Him").

I need to keep this in mind daily. I am a writer, but I'll get into that another time as the blog develops. The most important thing, to me, is to get others to talk with me about similar experiences and to share wisdom about increasing our Faith.

Here's an example in my own life: my latest book is doing OK (still in its infancy), my regular vocation is hanging by a thread (I am not a famous writer, so my royalty checks can't quite pay the rent). My beautiful wife has taken the religious education of our kids under her wings (which are broad and infinite) for 15 years.

Now it is my turn to treat them like adults, talk to them about Faith like adults, and they are fighting me. Indifferent, actually, like teens can be. Nothing makes teens look at a dad as a religious fanatic like demanding (which I do) that they make Jesus the center and pinnacle of their existences. Pray daily, say the Rosary, go to Church. You get the idea (PS even if you are not Catholic, the Rosary contains prayers all directly from Scripture and how can that hurt anyone? The effort to pray can count as prayer too). I have extended family that can cause me inner anguish. So what's my point?

I am not a happy person. However, I have prayed hard on all these issues. Not for material success, but for spiritual enhancement, for me and mine. I prayed for my Faith to be stronger. Because if one's Faith is strong, that all things can be given to God to allow His child to flourish in trying times, then we are fulfilling, partially, our obligations to Him. The other is not just to give Him one's issues, but to love Him above all else. Frankly, I have a tendency not to want to bother Him because I love Him. I am getting past this, thankfully.

This spiritual exercise of prayer (this virtue of religion, which we perform for Him) has slowly helped me. I mean I prayed hard, friends. I did ask that He take care of others, before taking care of me (like He couldn't do both at once or times 10 million...). I had a chance to reflect Christ or be an angry person recently. He came to me, I reflected Him (this, that I prayed hard about) and it changed my circumstance, in this case, as if it never happened. How is that for the power of Christ? I was wavering, asking for help, and it came like a tidal wave. It lightened my heart considerably.

But I wavered, first, emotionally. Even, perhaps, psychologically, at this part really bothered me. I should have known He would take care of me, as He chooses and when He chooses. I needed to be patient ... and Faithful.

This is the gift I want to give Him: my unwavering Faith in His love, for this tiny creature. And to reflect Him, an irascible guy like I am. This is the daily thought. I think we all struggle with it. Don't we?

I have lots more to say, as I explore my Faith. I hope you take the time to read my blog and give me your thoughts and testimony. God bless you.

KJ Price