Writer's Block

Gee, has it been over two and a half months since I had something even remotely important to say? I guess so. Well, Here's ................ Johnny !!!!

It is amazing how focusing on one's self -- while trying to give one's all to those around you -- can obsess you. That's me. I can't get my mind off where I am. So, as expected, I participate in those exercises that keep me close to what matters: God, and family (and friends). I am in a spot where I would rather do my ministry for the less fortunate than anything else ... like work. I suppose this is why it is called work and not a holiday. I have a new job that will take pioneering (not like covered wagon pioneering -- no way, I stay in nice hotels -- but focused effort, with gratification way delayed). To marketing guys, delayed grat just ain't where it is at.

BUT, I am here, because He wants me here. Somewhere, lurking in the darkness (where it is actually well lighted, but not for me) is an answer to this moment of where I am in time. God, whom I love more than anything, has a clear plan for me. My job, as a human, is not to see it yet. I see pieces, I see what I have been through the last 5 months, the ups and downs, and I see what I am expected to see. I can tell you what I have learned.

He wants dialogue.

He wants me to lean on Him. You are reading the words of a person who is genetically resistant to leaning on anyone. I have to give up that part of myself. I have been doing it, but it is slow and painstaking. The rewards are gigantic, but I am obsessed with today. And, this, too, shall pass.

I was called today by my advocacy group to see if I could be the desk guy on Thursdays at the shelter. Let me give you an idea of how good I am at that: I spent 30 minutes there the other day .. and gave everyone the wrong answer to every question. What if they came back expecting something and I scheduled them wrong? One more twit in the giant bureaucracy standing in their path. I will do it anyway, but I want everyone to know what they are getting. My heart is in the right place, though. And I get tremendous gratification helping anyone, if even in a small way.

I mentor creative writing, but I do have a job that needs attention. I can't be any other way. But, I have to budget my time. Where will I do the most good? I just need to leave this up to the Lord and sit back and wait. I can do this. I will do nothing, without His OK. Nothing. I am where I am, who I am, how I am, with His blessing. I have flaws and I regret them. I owe Him so much more than this. I have to balance my good efforts against my weaker ones. On the ledger sheet in heaven, I hope I am recognized, on balance, of having gone to the good and not to the other. This is the blessing I wish for.

God bless,
KJPrice