Writer's Block

Gee, has it been over two and a half months since I had something even remotely important to say? I guess so. Well, Here's ................ Johnny !!!!

It is amazing how focusing on one's self -- while trying to give one's all to those around you -- can obsess you. That's me. I can't get my mind off where I am. So, as expected, I participate in those exercises that keep me close to what matters: God, and family (and friends). I am in a spot where I would rather do my ministry for the less fortunate than anything else ... like work. I suppose this is why it is called work and not a holiday. I have a new job that will take pioneering (not like covered wagon pioneering -- no way, I stay in nice hotels -- but focused effort, with gratification way delayed). To marketing guys, delayed grat just ain't where it is at.

BUT, I am here, because He wants me here. Somewhere, lurking in the darkness (where it is actually well lighted, but not for me) is an answer to this moment of where I am in time. God, whom I love more than anything, has a clear plan for me. My job, as a human, is not to see it yet. I see pieces, I see what I have been through the last 5 months, the ups and downs, and I see what I am expected to see. I can tell you what I have learned.

He wants dialogue.

He wants me to lean on Him. You are reading the words of a person who is genetically resistant to leaning on anyone. I have to give up that part of myself. I have been doing it, but it is slow and painstaking. The rewards are gigantic, but I am obsessed with today. And, this, too, shall pass.

I was called today by my advocacy group to see if I could be the desk guy on Thursdays at the shelter. Let me give you an idea of how good I am at that: I spent 30 minutes there the other day .. and gave everyone the wrong answer to every question. What if they came back expecting something and I scheduled them wrong? One more twit in the giant bureaucracy standing in their path. I will do it anyway, but I want everyone to know what they are getting. My heart is in the right place, though. And I get tremendous gratification helping anyone, if even in a small way.

I mentor creative writing, but I do have a job that needs attention. I can't be any other way. But, I have to budget my time. Where will I do the most good? I just need to leave this up to the Lord and sit back and wait. I can do this. I will do nothing, without His OK. Nothing. I am where I am, who I am, how I am, with His blessing. I have flaws and I regret them. I owe Him so much more than this. I have to balance my good efforts against my weaker ones. On the ledger sheet in heaven, I hope I am recognized, on balance, of having gone to the good and not to the other. This is the blessing I wish for.

God bless,
KJPrice

The Forest and the Trees

I'll bet God is sick of me asking what He has in store for me. I say this tongue in cheek, but I also ... keep asking. My life, on its surface, has become a complete mystery to me. I am trying to live it, pray as I can and just let it go on with God's grace. Sounds so simple.

It isn't, for me, at least.

In my last entry, I mentioned letting go and not letting ridiculous, transitory emotions get the best of me. So much for that arrogance. They got to me but good. I can't explain it. I have asked God to explain His plan to me and why this crucible?. He has, in small segments. I accept His plan, the revelation of all this. It may have already happened, but I have not seen it yet. I may not ever or for a very long time. It will, I know, become clear to me. I am not a patient person and my faith -- my turning over myself -- doesn't always happen easily. I regret being so unwilling. I have always had thoughts or emotions that cut both ways. I may not even understand myself or why this is. It is, and I accept it. Maybe the Greeks wrote something about this idiosyncracy? Since I am no different than anyone else, which is a humbling thought, maybe I need to look at this, being the same as everyone else.

Part of the plan was me being flat on my back for 8 weeks (approx) with a major eye problem. So, look at this: no job, laying down, time to think too much, healing very slowly (still am). Talk about a chain of events unsuited to my personality. "He maketh me to lie down in green pastures beside still waters". Now I know what that really means; He makes me. No way I would have done this on my own. So, this event, like everything else in my life, has a purpose.

Faith, which comes by Grace, is a truly beautiful thing. Maybe this is a large part of the experience? The Love that comes from Grace? The utter belief? Faith in the plan. Wavering is OK. Tidal wavering is not OK. There are trees in that forest and I can see some of them.

I have my family who need me desperately and I, most assuredly, them. I have a new addition named Sammy. I have friends that love me. I have friends I love and care about and I draw a lot of good feeling from this. Being there in any capacity for them is a very rewarding thing. I have a great spiritual advisor, Bro. Tom Juneman. I have Jesus. He loves me, too. Now, I have to love Him back by following His lead. The rest will fall into place. Keep to the example; the blessing will abundantly follow.

God bless,
KJPrice

Long Night's Journey Into Day

OK, here it is, right between the eyes for me (as it should be): if the Blessed Mother can stand at the foot of the cross and see her son tortured and murdered, and never question God's will or His methods, who am I to be thinking He forgot about me and that His will does not define my life?

He didn't; it all came from me.

I wavered. I became a mealy mouthed twit. I did not spread the word around, because I wanted to make sure mentally I did not doubt for a second and wished to remain an example to others. This being the least I should take out of this whole experience of job loss.

Mentally, I didn't waver. This was a routine test that I am too smart to acquiesce to. I didn't share my momentary doubts with anyone. I tried to make a pact with myself that my emotions, no matter where they led me, unless they reflected positively on God or myself, I would ignore them. But, Satan is a subtle little monster who feeds on despair. And I will never give him that satisfaction, as he lay in wait for folks who have hit a wall and start to doubt.

The crumb.

(PS if we ever meet, he is going to give me a lot of payback, because I have dissed him so many times, he'd love to get his hot little hands on me. If we do meet, I hope I get to smack him in the mouth first).

If the Blessed Mother could accept God's will totally, how could I not do the same because I lost a job ... that I hated to start with?? When one writes it down, it is almost impossible to accept my mental state as a true believer. I came to my senses, as best I could. I even feel better.

God has counted the hairs on my head and everyone else's, who has ever lived or is living or will ever live ... and I think He may have forgotten about me for a second? WHAT??? Like He left me in the abyss? If our Blessed Mother could accept such horror, I can't believe what I worry about.

It is over. No matter what, I will pay no heed to doubt. In the short time I have been starting a new direction, I have come up against bureaucracy and reverse discrimination, little tests of my mettle. Jesus shares His cross with those he loves. It can be a crucible (though, in this case, that is a little strong i.e torture vs job loss). Calvary (again a little strong) is a gift to us. The sharing of it brings us close to Him.

I was in the darkness, though briefly. Now, I am in the light, despite the tests to put me back in the dark. I have to listen to people pontificate about why I am not right for a particular job (though I could run circles around them, blindfolded and hogtied). And my family is safe and warm in God's love. I have yet to be tested. I believe I have, but I clearly have not. Perspective is everything. All is well in the hands of God and good with the people He loves. This drama is nothing, comparatively speaking. I understand that now, because I asked Him to make me understand.

And, He did. See how ridiculous doubt is? I'm embarrassed by my behavior. Learn from me. He has me exactly where He wants me, and there is everything right with that. I want it no other way, now or ever.

God Bless,
KJPrice

Keeping the Faith is an Ongoing Effort

I had a theology class today for about 5 hours. a) I didn't know it would be that long, because I was carefully planning what I was going to eat for lunch when I got there at 9am (this is an continuing effort for me to beat "yesterday's lunch") and b) they said let's skip lunch and work right through. I didn't want to be the only one screaming to be let out, commonly referred to as a "wet blanket". I had thoughts of Mediterranean food dancing in my head. Well, that's what Jesus ate, right??? I am suffering only partial guilt.

The class was great. It was called New Testament Theology and if one teaches CCD, as I do, it was suggested to take it. Sure. How did I know you actually receive a credit in the diocese for being a stellar participant and get a little certificate?? Pay dirt!!! Who knew? I just wanted to be there. I can always learn something. I have 3 other courses to take and I will eat well beforehand now, while keeping the hummus fantasies in check. .

I won't get into the subject matter but the sequence of the gospels is very interesting as well as the communities they were addressing. If you want details, ask me. I was fascinated. I eat this stuff up.

While I was sitting there, I was thinking through the fact I was recently offered early retirement. Read: retire or we will retire you. The market for me dried up. I was actually praying for this day. Then, I got it. I feel pretty dern great except for one little detail: the impatience I have for waiting to find out what meaningful thing I will do next. I have been planning for months, but the timing is not mine. What I was doing, except for the interpersonal side of things, lacked a whole lot of meaning for me; like everyone else's job, I imagine. The work enabled me, however, to do lots of things: nice house, vacations, FOOD, fun, FOOD, volunteer work, FOOD, biking (had a wreck yesterday trying to avoid a turtle. I am not making that up. The poor thing literally peed himself and ran, seriously, ran, for his life. Do you remember the turtle in Bye Bye Birdy that ran the 100 in like 4 seconds? Think that. I have never seen a turtle run like that ... as I was picking gravel out of my backside. My riding partner literally went flying into the woods head first. His bike needs a couple of repairs as does his cerebellum).

But what I was thinking intermittently was what is in store for me. I have no worries about money for a long time; at least 9 months, if not a lot more. Maybe never. So here's the bottom line: if God didn't want me here, I wouldn't be here. I have to stay focused on this. I also have to stay focused on the fact if I am bothered, go to Him and realize, even in a small way, the cross is to be borne. The rebirth awaits, thereafter. How great is that??

I may be writing a sequel to my first book and put them in the same volume in paperback. I may have to travel to Philly in August and I am driving, just like the first Odyssey. New perspectives to be had. Maybe the Idiot actually grew a brain. Part of which I will give to my riding partner, since his is still on the pavement by that poor turtle, who, no doubt, suffered some sort of reptilian heart attack.

Pray for me to be strong in faith. I am asking because I want to. And need to. I can not be deterred. I owe that much, at least.

God bless,
KJPrice

Vigilance of God's Angels

I am sure that anyone who reads my blog and I mention riding my bike, one thought must spring to the reader's mind: what did this idiot do to himself this time?? Fair enough. But in my own defense serious biking can create problems like accidents. No, I didn't have one this time. No pigeons to the head either. That's a plus. Or dopey squirrels in my spokes as they run back and forth trying to make up their minds.

When you ride as much as I do, you get to evaluate the behavior of runners, bikers, drivers, vespa-ers, women with hardly any clothes, men with hardly any clothes (though I truly wish some of them would add rather than subtract ... yikes !!!), triathletes, bird feeders, bird feeding triathletes, wannabes, neverweres, couldn'tbes, glad they aints, etc. Quite a cross section.

As I am doing my miles and feeling older by the minute, sometimes my mind wonders. I think about work, family, friends; you know the drill. My real job is not real terrific right now. I mean compared to losing a limb, I guess it is paradise on earth. I was told by someone that before our feet hit the floor in the morning, we should thank God for another day. Another day to love, to forgive, to imitate Him. At night, to do a comparison of how you did. It is a nice habit to get into, and I am trying to stay with it.

Sometimes, I do a rosary as I ride. My brain is so addled, I have to count each decade with each finger as I work the gears. I am sure sometimes I do 9 or 11 or forget a "Glory Be" or say it wrong. I am told the intention is what counts. Boy, I hope so.

Today, before I did the last decade, I said to the Blessed Mother: teach me to trust like you did. Please. Teach me to trust. I give my life to Jesus thru you, Blessed Mother. Please intercede for me.

I was one Hail Mary into my last decade, was riding on the left side of the road past a parked car. It was at that moment, the driver decided to make .... a left. I missed the car by about a foot and went riding up someone's lawn (at 22mph), then over slippery gravel that would have torn me up. No doubt had that person hit me (they didn't even stop, btw), no doubt I would have been splattered all over the windshield and crippled by the bumper. Possibly dead. Very possibly.

Blessed Mother: teach me to trust. Need I say more? His angel saved me. I asked and He sent His angel because the Blessed Mother heard me. What do you think? It was about 15 seconds after I asked.

God bless,
KJPrice

Jeanette Dees Urrutia 1951 ~ 2009

It is difficult to even know where to start. So, I just will.

Loyalty is a quality I admire greatly, possibly more than any other (generally, some element of love comes with it). I know what it means to me, personally. I try to live this way and maybe I have; I hope I have. If I were accused of disloyalty, I would question my character. Sometimes there are reasons one must move on, so to speak, but it needs to be a very major moral or ethical one. The small stuff doesn't count.

My friend, and our daughter's godmother, Jeanette, was as loyal as they come. Listen, this woman had other powerful qualities: charisma, charm (I used to call her Scarlett O'Hara), humor, monumental uptightness about some things (which, therefore, made her a target I just could not walk by, and she loved it), smarts, thoughtfullness, and a loving nature. The mold got broken when she died earlier this week of a cerebral accident. And I am getting teary as I type this. I LOVED this woman. She was loyal to me and mine and through thick and thin, we were loyal to her. Sometimes this loyalty was stretched to the breaking point, but it never actually broke. But even in the potential breaking, it was for a greater good: her future.

Jeanette didn't do anything specifically to go out of her way to make me (us) love her devotedly. It just happened. I can't explain it. It had a gravitational pull I couldn't get free of if I tried. It was that powerful. It was a tremendous blessing to me. And, like some other blessings, when given abundantly, it comes with tests. In a way, to whom much is given, much is expected. This was meant another way when Jesus said it, but it fits here, too. It didn't have just one application, that being charity. Though this element exists within this scenario as well. There were times when I was tested and sometimes I didn't appear to come through. In retrospect, I was doing good. because that gravitational pull I mentioned consumed everything. Yes, it was that powerful. And, yes, on the surface was indifference; in my character was total devotion to her. I just didn't know it at the time. It caused me anguish, then. Now it gives me solace. Pain to enlightenment and healing. That is a miracle. And I am grateful for it. And only with God's power is it possible to achieve.

When I cried at the foot of her hospital bed last week, for her and for me, the one essential feeling I couldn't shake was how devoted I was to her. I knew she was dying, if I could read the mind of God. My intuition was right, in this case. I prayed for God to take her. The thought of her suffering was a lot for me to bear. With difficulty, I asked God for His will to be done and not my own. I meant it, but in my heart, I wanted what I wanted for her. Like I should judge this and not the Lord. I'll think about this later, and hopefully chalk it up to the moment. When I knelt in church each morning, I recall asking Him to grant everyone else's petitions before mine. So maybe I did live up to the devotion He expects of His children. I wasn't thinking real clearly then. And who knows what I was thinking. I was partially delirious from my heart hurting. I made myself be nice to people, which is the proper example of Him under stress. I may have even done it.

My J-bird is gone now and there is a hole where she used to be. I have enough experience with death to know it will be filled up again by her. I know this. I'll just miss her bad. I thought I ran out of tears when my dad died. Chalk that up to arrogance. I was in the Valley of Tears, no question. There was no holding them back. Even when I lied my way into the ICU -- family only -- when I told them I was her ex husband and later we never married, just lived together. I know she was laughing her rear end off watching me from her perch in heaven. Listen to that babbling idiot!!!!

J, if it took lies to see you, then so be it. The Great Wall of China couldn't have kept me away or a canceled flight or landing at the wrong airport and taking a shuttle with business people who were "smarter" than the driver. Nothing. I owed you that. And if roles were reversed and you had the wherewithal to come and comfort me and mine and show your loyalty yet again to me, nothing short of Armageddon could have kept you away. This is love and loyalty for 31.5 years I knew I could count on. For the first half year she hated me and thought I wore mascara. I forgive you, J face. And I love you more than you will ever know. Remember this: O31 is Nastursium. Goodbye, my angel, until later. There will never be anyone like you again. I have counted my blessing and I am glad I did.

The Day That Changed The World

I always get this feeling on Good Friday. It is painful, when I see our blessed Lord getting throttled. Then I realize that His suffering has purpose. And was predestined by God, the Father, with Christ's concurrence.

Picture this: God Himself humiliated His person by becoming a human being. Additionally, He allowed Himself to beaten to pulp, in order to redeem mankind with His love. He could have called out conflagration to destroy those in the employ of satan; He didn't. Recall this: He suffered so that we may live eternally. Imagine this: someone taking so much punishment .. because He loved you. If that doesn't rock you, nothing will.

This is Easter, the celebration of our Lord's resurrection. After He decesended in hell, in order to give hope to those dwelling there, we can expect the same.

He loves us. Never forget this: our suffering is not without purpose. We take part of His cross. We show our love for Him. What more can we ask? Do more, reflect Him and keep His ministry.

God as a person, imagine this.

God Bless you.
KJPrice

Where Am I , and What Am I Doing Here?

We all know the current economic situation is pretty bad. I heard a revered priest say the other day that we should offer our day to God, and reflect Him in what we do. I just started doing this, very recently. I have a tendency to forget to do it and when I remember, I do it.

Now, my business in my straight job is about 25% of what it was, revenue wise. Being a sales and marketing person in this position, I am genetically predisposed to be an optimist; a reasonable one, not one with one's head totally in the sand. Except for my close associate, the cynicism, anger, frustration, and the lack of regard for those with whom you work is as high as I have ever seen it. I am trying to imagine myself -- and I need this job, make no mistake about it; my writing buys lunch every two weeks -- coming into this office and ripping my associate and making her cry. I am witnessing this very scenario right now in front of me with the VIPs who are visiting me. One of them is crying.

Now, let's consider this for a minute: people's feelings are important. I think barring some moral transgression of a large degree or something like this, we all need to be aware that words and actions can be hurtful. Do I always do this? No. Must I always do this? No. Should I show profound love at all times? Yes. Love changes more than it keeps one the same. Yes, I know this is business and feelings should be put aside, but I don't care who one is it can be painful. Now imagine, with this starting point, going and being enthusiastic with your customer. The fact that I give this day to God should help me be more aware of what I say and do; with my family as well.

This may seem random, but why do we suffer? It does relate to what I have written. Surely, the offer of suffering to Christ shows our love for Him. Christ did not keep the Paschal Mystery to himself: suffering, dying, ressurrection. He loves us and wants us to share in this mystery with Him. Does the daily suffering we endure -- and I don't equate mundane, personally insulting business practices -- with physical pain, but our suffering, to whatever degree, is not without purpose. This is critical to understand. Perspective may not come immediately following the issue and it seldom does. But it will become clear to us as time goes on. It usually happens this way, if we think about it: how many times have we said, of course, now I understand? What I wished for and maybe didn't get always seemed to work out for us. I can't think of a time when it didn't.

Sometimes at work, I feel desolate inside; too many years at the wheel, the ups and downs, today, everybody depressed and angry. I wouldn't be here, if God Himself did not want me here. Right? Maybe my emptiness that comes at inopportune times, should and can be filled with Him. Maybe this is what He wants. And, seriously, who am I to question a God who loves me totally? He wouldn't let anything happen to me that was not ultimately joyful.

Gee, the slightest pain and I am complaining and doubting the one person whom I have never had reason to doubt: God. He takes care of the birds in the air. How much more does He love me? Not even Solomon in all his splender was arrayed like one of these. Was God talking about us, His children? Flowers are beautiful and require love to maintain. Does this sound familiar? The flower in the crack of a sidewalk? The crack our tribulations; the flower, our virtue despite them. Including illness.

God bless,
KJPrice

A Week of Blessings

I am taking about only this week; every week is a blessing to me, good or bad (in my perception). I sat in on a Bible Study at the local homeless shelter. I am a volunteer teacher, but they haven't needed me yet. I listened carefully to the interpretations of the Scripture and added my thoughts to the proceedings, where appropriate. Fair enough.

Before we got started, I was holding my St. Joseph's bible and a fella said to me he had been looking all over for one. I almost gave him mine. It was a personal gift given to me, signed by my dear friend, and for whatever reason (God was thinking for me), I said thanks but kept it. I got his name afterwards and he told me about his "street" ministry. I almost said I was sure Jesus did not want him living this way, but I kept it to myself. Then another fella came over to me and said he liked my bible. He talked and the conversation came around to the fact it was a Catholic bible. Then he said, maybe being a Catholic was the answer. Saying that is like asking me to drag you to church and convert you. I could barely control myself, but I did.

I also ordered 2 bibles to give these guys, who, I am quite sure, think I said something about finding one for them and won't follow through with it. How little do they know. I can't wait to present that gift, which, really, is to me.

As I listened to them talk on the bible, I couldn't help but notice that, in my mind, they lacked a tangible weapon. They had the Holy Spirit, they have Jesus and God, the Father. But what about Anointing and what about Communion? I know very few people who take Communion regularly and are living on the street. Having the body, blood, soul and divinity of Jesus inside you, in addition to these other Graces, couldn't hurt, right? Now, for the record, I must say the only valid transubstantiation comes from the Catholic consecrated Eucharist. But I also think, in this case, it doesn't matter. I am going to suggest to them, if I get the chance, that they go to their respective Churches and ask for this. The power of the Holy Spirit will work their minds and they will get benefit from Communion. I pray I am right. I have the office to anoint, to heal (not like Jesus, but to speak in His name). They need this, too, since they are so near death spiritually. It would take guts on my part to offer it (and it must be humbly) and I hope I can do it, if I get the chance.

On Ash Wednesday, I sat in church for the service. I said my prayers. After it was over, the Vincentian Brother came over to me and asked me if I would like to anoint the congregants with ashes. Me??? He said yes. I said OK, and I had an hour beforehand to get a case of nerves like I have not had in a great while. I actually did it and didn't pass out. Like 20 people. They all smiled at me, as I did it. I told the Brother it was the biggest honor I have EVER gotten. He also asked me to do collection, which I never volunteer to do, and I was missing people or hitting them in the head with the basket. I was a wreck. I told Jesus how much I loved Him, and then I got this request to do the ashes. I'd say it was a blessing, wouldn't you?

Through the intercession of my beloved saints and the petitions of others, my friend's melanoma is disappearing. A blessing and a miracle, without question. I spoke to my cousin; stage 2 lung cancer. Not a religious person at all. Now, she sleeps with a statue of our blessed Lord and prays and tells Him of her gratitude for what she has. Her tumors are shrinking. I asked her to do something for me: I asked her to make her commitment to Jesus, in gratitude, and become a catholic, formally. I think she will. Another blessing. The Lord heals.

Then I read a review of my book and it was outstanding. I get to sort clothes tom'w for charity and teach CCD on Sunday. What a week God has given me. And I love Him forever for it, no matter how it turned out.

God Bless,
KJPrice

Thank you , Lord, For Allowing Me To Live Long Enough To Come To My Senses

I am 54 now. I have the whole shebang: gray hair (about 12 of them), sciatica, recent surgery to remove hardware (because I am an idiot; I actually laughed at myself as I lay on the ground, in the middle of a huge street, after falling from my bike 2 years ago), can feel the knees failing ... and if I take one more pill for what ails me, I'm gonna get on the bike and keep riding into the sunset (and falling, no doubt).

I am joking, of course, because age does breed infirmity and is unavoidable. Unless you are a friend of mine who has never been sick a day in his life. Never taken an antibiotic or has been sick enough to. Why his people left Ireland because they were lacking a couple of potatoes mystifies me. Seems to me he could have schouldered anything. Secretly, must be a wimp. I'll will definitely tell him. I am compelled to.

As I lay in bed the other morning, which is my second favorite thing to do, a thought came into my head (that's a first). It wasn't the first time.

"Lord, I want to thank You for not taking me sooner, before I had a chance to come to my senses and repent where needed."

Had He seen fit to take me when I was, say, 30, traveling the world like I owned the place, taking my want of things, getting to know women, leaving, very little charity other than money and putting God second, I'd be writing on paper that was on fire. Maybe not permanently, but enough to scorch the hard edges off me. Where I would have been I have to trust to God's mercy.

So, here I sit today, having learned what is really important: God, church, family, charity, devotion, loyalty, compassion. I always knew this in the back of my mind, but my focus was more me than Him. I had this ache I couldn't get rid of then. I came to my senses with age.

God gifted me. He has work for me to do. I will swallow what I have to and do it, for the least of ours. I sit here typing, in gratitude. I could have paid Him back a lot better sooner. Better late than never, especially since I was given the chance to have the chance.

If this isn't God's love, I do not know what is.

God Bless,
KJPrice

Learning One's Faith Is A Continual Process

I know this is obvious to everyone. We evolve in our faith and understanding of our particular church's teaching, if we choose to. As I said in a previous blog, I couldn't figure out why I was so bound and determined to help the homeless in Dallas, or sort clothes for charity, or help feed prisoners / drug addicts at the Salvation Army. Then God woke me up: please give Me something back for all I have done for you. Couldn't have been easier to understand, once I cleared the fog from my head.

When I refer to faith, I am referring to it both ways: one's religion, and the the theological virtue of faith (accepting without seeing, if you will). I recently decided to read the Catechism of the Catholic Church, front to back. With a highlighter, so I could accent the important parts (that's to me; the whole thing is important). This book answers almost everything; any question you may have. For example, why the altar is in a certain prominent spot in the church (the altar of sacrifice and the Last Supper table), why iconography is important to the church (since we can not see God, the Father, in this mortal life i.e beholding His face, we have His son to look at, Jesus, so we can "see" God), the various Councils, that explained and prayed on the proper meaning of what was said in the Gospel and Sacred Tradition, how to deal with death, from the perspective of artificial means to keep one alive and what to accept or not, and what heaven looks like. 2,000 years of thought and prayer went into this manuscript, and I willingly accept every word. How could one not?

To some of you, the Catholic Church is not your cup of tea. I have known enough Protestants in my life -- brother Christians -- who were not enamored of it. OK. I heard a quote recently that went something like this: " there are about 100 people who really hate the Catholic Church and about a million people who hate what they .... THINK is the Catholic Church". Perfectly said. Someone asked me if I wanted everyone to be Catholic?, for goodness sake. Well, yeh !!! Not because I don't want them to believe what they do, but I want to give them, out of love, what I have: a place that consistently accepts our flaws and forgives them, and the chance to gather with the Apostle's successors (in a direct line) and share the Eucharist, the actual body of Christ. I know what it does for me and I want everyone to have it. It is life altering.

So, I continue to read the Catechism and continue to learn and have "wow' moments. Can't beat that. It increases my faith, it does not diminish it.

As the economy goes south (and the answer is increased retail sales, everywhere, which will reduce this cataclysm tremendously and get the economy going), I live is fear of losing my job. No one is immune. No one. Jesus said that if God takes care of things that do not reap and sow, and we are His creation, how much more will He take care of us? I want to remove all doubt from my mind, a doubt that kind of lingers back there and distracts me. I want to get rid of it. If this test challenges my faith, then so be it. Faith MUST prevail. How else to purify gold than to put it into the crucible and have it returned stronger and more purified?

I want an increase in my faith. I want to leave it all to God. This is my quest, and it should naturally be all of ours. Don't you agree?

God Bless,
KJPrice